Friday, July 3, 2009

Confessions of a MTNL modem II

{ this is the concluding part of the 2 part series concerning the MTNL modem..
if you still haven't read the first part click here}

beep beep again!

passing 0s and 1s i have to tell u, isn't exactly an exciting job to do.
at some point of time u start getting bored, you know.
but as time flowed i understood i was something that allowed my owner to access innnet. i am used to see websites, which have all kinds of photos of other humans, definitely very different from i have seen in all my life. they are whiter, have long hair and really 1 or 2 extra bulges here and here. wow i have to say. Innnet is a good thing. you get lots of info, connect to friends, can send free smses [wish i had friends!] basically you can take world tour while warming Ur seat at Ur warm home in warm summers. I also have learnt to decrypt 0s and 1s to English and pictures and videos. But my life still was pretty boring and monotones.

With time, it appeared that i have no importance in eyes of my owner. he always gazes on the big box with white light [manneeeater he calls it]. he never sees me. just touches me once on my back button, to turn me on(!)
i get no attention..he takes me for granted.
ya...i know you think i love my owner and all that stuff..but its false..we are just friends...well from my least. Lets clear it..we modems unlike humans don't have a single love orientation.[ya i know your nudeli high court said section 377 is crap and bullshit..but that's for very few humos..], on the matter of fact, modems love everyone..the mother silicon, the maneater, that cuboidal box and that black rodent with a wire in its mouth [pity they call it mouse] and we love fellow humans! But i don't get any intimate attention from anyone! all take me for granted!

and one fine hot morning when i was lost in translation, i recalled those mtnl guys in the garage [head office as they call it]. people coming in the garage had given so much attention to them. They were pleading them, basically worshiping them. Why? had they got it if people's bill hadn't soared up like petronas twin towers? or had they got this attention if the telephone lines worked like a surfer on skate board on Atlantic? if u don't want to taken for have to generate problems! Eureka! I will do it..i will make my owner's life a living hell!
and i did it. when modems say something [even if they think something], they keep their promises till the last byte they transfer. so next time when my owner chats with a pretty girl [which is very very rare, like thunderstorms in a desert] i turn one of light intentionally off. See my action was intentional but the result is purely unintentional, the innnet also turns off. the millions and zillions of 0s and 1s are screached to a stop like the traffic jam on mumbai sealink. I must tell you it doesnt feel that good to have 4 holes on the back of your body and 4 wires stuck firmly inside them. The situation stoops to a new low when my owner comes and moves those wires in and out in hope that a light will shimmer back to life again. He jumps up and down in excitation, slaps me once or twice, and then calls MTNL helpline to know that he is in a que [i remember him saying one day that it appears mtnl places people in a circular que, so that after waiting for an infinite time, they are still in a que and they will die in that que]. He tries all ways to get my lights ON. But, as in case, they wont without my permission. Though rapid movement of wires behind me brings a wired weired feeling, i dont give up.
So i play with him everyday. He opens innnet, and whenever i find him gazing lustily toward the manneater, i just make sure that i eat some of the 0s and 1s and the traffic is halted.
Result? Now whenever he uses innnet, he uses a incence stick, some diyas and chants a few mantras, praises me "oh! thy lord of the lords! Oh modem of the misty valley of silicon and the sincity! if thy shall run a few more minutes, thy shall be ur servant all life"

I think i have succeesed on my mission to bring my owner to his knees. He uses less innnet now though, but whatever he does, i am no longer taken granted. I feel as part of family!
All this, thanks to lazy, nepotic, slothful, irksome MTNL.

An idea that changed my life.

MTNL Modem


aritra raymukherjee said...

Two spelling mistakes....

aritra raymukherjee said...

The last line was not original, except it is in past tense...
But good but not better than the first one... Now, we are expecting something else