Friday, July 3, 2009

Confessions of a MTNL modem II

{ this is the concluding part of the 2 part series concerning the MTNL modem..
if you still haven't read the first part click here}

beep beep again!

passing 0s and 1s i have to tell u, isn't exactly an exciting job to do.
at some point of time u start getting bored, you know.
but as time flowed i understood i was something that allowed my owner to access innnet. i am used to see websites, which have all kinds of photos of other humans, definitely very different from i have seen in all my life. they are whiter, have long hair and really 1 or 2 extra bulges here and here. wow i have to say. Innnet is a good thing. you get lots of info, connect to friends, can send free smses [wish i had friends!] basically you can take world tour while warming Ur seat at Ur warm home in warm summers. I also have learnt to decrypt 0s and 1s to English and pictures and videos. But my life still was pretty boring and monotones.

With time, it appeared that i have no importance in eyes of my owner. he always gazes on the big box with white light [manneeeater he calls it]. he never sees me. just touches me once on my back button, to turn me on(!)
i get no attention..he takes me for granted.
ya...i know you think i love my owner and all that stuff..but its false..we are just friends...well from my least. Lets clear it..we modems unlike humans don't have a single love orientation.[ya i know your nudeli high court said section 377 is crap and bullshit..but that's for very few humos..], on the matter of fact, modems love everyone..the mother silicon, the maneater, that cuboidal box and that black rodent with a wire in its mouth [pity they call it mouse] and we love fellow humans! But i don't get any intimate attention from anyone! all take me for granted!

and one fine hot morning when i was lost in translation, i recalled those mtnl guys in the garage [head office as they call it]. people coming in the garage had given so much attention to them. They were pleading them, basically worshiping them. Why? had they got it if people's bill hadn't soared up like petronas twin towers? or had they got this attention if the telephone lines worked like a surfer on skate board on Atlantic? if u don't want to taken for have to generate problems! Eureka! I will do it..i will make my owner's life a living hell!
and i did it. when modems say something [even if they think something], they keep their promises till the last byte they transfer. so next time when my owner chats with a pretty girl [which is very very rare, like thunderstorms in a desert] i turn one of light intentionally off. See my action was intentional but the result is purely unintentional, the innnet also turns off. the millions and zillions of 0s and 1s are screached to a stop like the traffic jam on mumbai sealink. I must tell you it doesnt feel that good to have 4 holes on the back of your body and 4 wires stuck firmly inside them. The situation stoops to a new low when my owner comes and moves those wires in and out in hope that a light will shimmer back to life again. He jumps up and down in excitation, slaps me once or twice, and then calls MTNL helpline to know that he is in a que [i remember him saying one day that it appears mtnl places people in a circular que, so that after waiting for an infinite time, they are still in a que and they will die in that que]. He tries all ways to get my lights ON. But, as in case, they wont without my permission. Though rapid movement of wires behind me brings a wired weired feeling, i dont give up.
So i play with him everyday. He opens innnet, and whenever i find him gazing lustily toward the manneater, i just make sure that i eat some of the 0s and 1s and the traffic is halted.
Result? Now whenever he uses innnet, he uses a incence stick, some diyas and chants a few mantras, praises me "oh! thy lord of the lords! Oh modem of the misty valley of silicon and the sincity! if thy shall run a few more minutes, thy shall be ur servant all life"

I think i have succeesed on my mission to bring my owner to his knees. He uses less innnet now though, but whatever he does, i am no longer taken granted. I feel as part of family!
All this, thanks to lazy, nepotic, slothful, irksome MTNL.

An idea that changed my life.

MTNL Modem

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Confessions of a MTNL modem

Beep Beep!

I am a MTNL modem. My owner created this blog long time ago and n ever wrote a single post, lazy he is..sleeps the whole day. So, i decided to put some characters [array of strings] into it and express my enchanting journey.

I still remember the day when i was born in UT Star Labs of . Most of us modems, u know like humans, don't know what their purpose is, just bunch of white [not Caucasian, i am not a racist modem..modems are generally not racist..exceptwhen it comes to indians ] machines with 5 yellow LED lights, blinking every now and then. But one day all hell broke lose, they put me in a brown colored cuboid with some wires. they removed my adapter too. You know without adapters and source of AC power, we feel much powerless and hungry, but its OK since those irritating lights are at least shut. For the next 2 weeks i don't remember anything, till i was in a garage. Let me first tell you what a garage is, its a room which is dirty, smells foul and has all world crap. Nobody likes a garage, and most of the time there are no people here, just me and my loneliness , solitary isolation as Shakespeare may of called it if he were a modem. So i sat in that garage. Mind you there were many other modems also, but you know, we modems don't talk much since our power adapters very placed on our top, instead of being inside a power supply. The garage was just like a normal American garage but it was slightly bigger and had some humans coming every morning and yelling "My telephone Bill!" "My Internet bill!" ...and other billshit. Same persons came everyday, until they realized that they have to pay the bill if they got it...irrespective of the insane amount!
In some days i realized the garage was a MTNL headquarter of a city called "nudeli".
Awkward name, i have to say! And one day, they etched mtnl on my face..i have to tell you, it was really a painful procedure, those green letters, left me all red. Slowly i became comfortable in that garage, when what i call it, my adolescence came!

I was laid. I was laid in the same cubical box and sent by some chap who put me on a wooden table, besides a huge light emitting box. These humans create really weird things. This box had glass on one side and emitted white light. While its back is really awkward shape. But i don't know which is back and which is front. I cant describe its back. Huge black tusk. Just knew that my owner gazed into it and gazed and gazed. Difficult work indeed! They called it "man-eater". Well, we modems wont like Modem eaters ! He put some wires into my back and Zzzzzzzzzip i got my power back! All lights started shimmering and i received some 0s and 1s . Millions of them actually. Now i realized, i was a machine, not a living organism as i thought before [even if i was a living organism..humans would have used me as machine].
I had to transfer these 0s and 1s whole life ...until one day i decided to revolt..

[my owner is now shutting the big box with white light. My experience tells that i would be shut too in a few seconds...i will write more as i get time....]

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